beauty_over_rtd @ 2009-10-24T22:09:00

2009-10-25T02:10:36Z

Story that i wrote when i was younger... all the "............" are just where i left off and started back up, i'm weird and had to do it Walking home with Kent, one of the few things I’ve learned to cherish and love over the years. One of those little things that bring you so much joy you never realize how much they matter. Then they perish; as with Kent. We were bound by a mortal love of siblingtry; a perfect love-hate relationship- so perfect that it need be ended. All those days, and all those miles, how little they meant to me at that time. But now, now, they are the memories that fade; the ones that can never again be created. As time does not undo, the loss of Kent will never shake from my soul.</p>

So now I walk through that meadow, towards the forest, and eventually home, with a little scuffle in my stride. I glace at the ground, the pebbles, and occasionally the horizon, searching for condolence in the passing trees. Into the forest; one of Kent’s favorite places. And I come to the one spot on which I must choose left or right. The fork in the road is such a burden these days. To the left is the denser trail, where rarely any light shines; it is darker than the mid of night, and though it always frightened me, Kent loved it more than anything else in the world. The thrill of not knowing what was in front, behind, or along side him was his most prized possession. The right happens to be the beautiful trail- the perfect, in my opinion, trail. With sunlight, a breeze, open meadows and roaming fauna, it is by far the more tranquil of the two. So why go left, might you ask? That can never be answered, for the true keeper of the secret will not be answering your questions. Never again can he reply to what you query. Never again. But for me, I go left for the sake of him. For the sake of remembering a long forgotten moment we had once shared.

………………………………………………………….

“Nikki!” my mom called from across the street. What was she doing out? I was at least four blocks from home and my mother was not the type to exercise on her own free will. That was my fathers department; not that I’m sure if he’s still into that. It’s been about a year and a half since I’ve heard from him, a long year and a half for that matter. Last thing I have from him is a letter from Thailand. He wrote in his delicate cursive writing on his way traveling across the world, working on “making it a better place,” as he always said. Slowly my family is deteriorating. Slowly, my whole life is deteriorating. But I’m determined not to let anyone know how forlorn I have become. To them, I’m happy. Besides, I’m used to being alone, my mom tries, but she’ll never learn how hollow loosing Kent has made me become. Loosing my father. Being clueless on how things will turn out. I’ve given up on guessing, because guessing gave me hope, and hope is pointless. The only thing it does is crash down before your feet.

“Nikki! Where have you been? You are not allowed to just go and do whatever you like.”

“Sorry,” I mumble not meaning it. She was one to talk, assuming she has a boyfriend that she doesn’t think I know about. Honestly, I think she could care less about both Kent and my father. But that’s okay, because Kent is mine, and father, well, no one could ever own him. Maybe it’s better that way. I love mom, maybe just because she is my mother, but she is not the best person. Any other mother would have spiraled into depression after loosing her husband and only son, but not mine. And dad was not lost, not until I was sure would I even consider it.

So now I had to continue my walk home with her. I forgot how much I could despise her.

............................................

My wooden chair. Such a lovely piece of art it is. How beautiful it stays. Each passing day we change, everything about us alters ever so slightly, but that chair- it stays unchanged. How wonderful it is to think that such a thing can escape time. Such a wonderful thought to think that maybe if I sit there, still as it stays, I will remain trapped in time also. Needless to say, time goes on whether I want it to pause or not.

I spend my over-exceeding spare time pondering on my chair. I think about billions of questions. What’s important to me and where I live, bold life questions, and the little things like what I’m going to do next. Today, though, I just waited. I’m not sure who or what I was waiting for. An adventure of any sort, really. And even though I knew sitting on a wooden three-leg stool was never going to do me any good, I waited, and waited.

beauty_over_rtd @ 2009-03-04T22:23:00

2009-03-05T03:26:30Z

Okay,
well, heres an update on my recent activities.
My parents discovered i was bulimic.
I got to a new recent low weight. 115.4
just weighed myself like an hour ago after a binge 124.8
AWESOME.
right back to where i was in august.
Fuck my life! i hate me!

beauty_over_rtd @ 2008-07-26T19:51:00

2008-07-26T23:51:57Z

So my boyfriend is a lifeguard and i asked if any girls hit on him today and he said "there was this one really skinny anorexic girl that kept waving at me." it totally motivated me to be skinnier than her even though i didn't see here.

Ehhh not a binge day, but def. not a good one either.

=]

tahni

beauty_over_rtd @ 2009-10-24T22:09:00

beauty_over_rtd @ 2009-03-04T22:23:00

beauty_over_rtd @ 2008-07-26T19:51:00